If your family is like mine, then you also come from a mixed bag of nuts! This time of year is one of my favorites but also leaves me on edge for the next statement out of someone’s mouth that will start the inevitable fight. Whether it’s politics, marital status, or current events, there will always be that one hot topic that everyone has an opinion on. You can always count on family at the holidays to say what they are thinking, when they are thinking it, no matter the consequesnces. 

For my family the trigger has always been politics. My grandmother was an avid Fox News fan, while my brother, with a master’s degree in political science, leaned in the opposite political direction. This often caused my mom, the generation in between, to worry about not if but when the first blow would come—before the turkey was carved, as the potatoes were being passed, or maybe over a slice of pecan pie. She would spend the day before and the morning of playing out scenarios in her head and trying to think of the right response to each. This constant barrage of negative thinking and catastrophizing cannot only hijack your holiday but also lead you into a spiral of anxiety and panic. When you find yourself caught in a holiday family spiral, one thing you can do is challenge negative thinking by asking yourself a few questions:

1. Am I falling into a thinking trap?
2. What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?
3. Have I confused a thought with a fact? 
4. What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?
5. What is the worst that could happen?
6. Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?

By challenging the stream of negativity, you are putting the brakes on the spiral that leads to worse anxiety and, in some cases, panic. Don’t be discouraged if you do this once or twice and find yourself back in that negative space of blaming (not taking responsibility for your thoughts or actions), catastrophizing (anticipating the worst in every situation), or personalizing (you are the reason negative things happen). Think of it as a negative habit, which can be hard to break, but can with practice and time. 

Another tool for managing stress during the holidays is to practice self care. When you find yourself in a conversation or situation that is uncomfortable or starting to escalate, you can always walk away. Take a walk outside, go to another room, or maybe interpret this escalation as your sign to go home. 

No one knows how to push your buttons better than family, especially in heated moments, so be mindful of the situation you are in so you can protect yourself and enjoy these mixed nuts we call family.